Relationship analogy... your 2 traps/temptations sound exactly like going on a "rebound" after newfound freedom following a breakup:
1. Comfort in Conformity = either going back to the same bad relationship and/or embracing it with ANY new relationship to fill the void.
2. Trade One Identify for Another = our last significant other was a certain way, so we go for the person who represents the opposite way. Or worse, we give up on relationships altogether.
The healthy option, we know, is to endure the post-breakup weirdness ("the ditch"), learn our lessons, maybe experiment a little without attaching too quickly, and ultimately, come out the other side a bit more wiser with who we are + who we're compatible with. Then, move forward with our lives, not stuck in a permanent state of post-breakup-ed-ness.
The 15 statements would make for a fascinating group discussion just to open the up the floor for conversation around each of these and see where it goes. They all seem like versions of a belief system. With respect to positive and negative reactions, it seems that humans feel compelled to defend or attack belief systems in direct proportion to how adrift their are with respect to knowledge of themselves. When you know who you are, have a sense of what you're here to do based on self-observation and access to feeling, then you're less in need of any external beliefs to be for or against as a way of navigating your existence.
I’ve been doing a version of it live where people talk about the scripts they grew up with and then the scripts they are writing for their future. People do love talking about this!
Paul, your essays are the best! Thanks for exposing me to new thinkers and ideas
I spent my early years on the Ivy-League-to-city-job track, then spent my late 20s raging against that track. I was heavily convinced a 9-5 was a death sentence. Now I'm in my mid-30s, with two kids. I'm going back to 9-5 work, and I'm not mad about it. I needed my time on the pathless path to grow through the negative belief. It's been an interesting full circle for me.
I wanted to complement you on the illustrations you use - do you use AI to generate these? (I know you talked about hiring an illustrator for the book, but feel like I've heard you talk about your AI process.) They are so good.
yes these are the nano banana pro new model. I really like them because they are exactly what i was aiming for. I was able to do the exact style I wanted and convey the exact ideas!
Great read Paul. When I first ditched my corporate gig I felt resentful and frustration too. I thought I had a plan and it did not pan out. Well not like I thought it would anyway. Thanks for the impactful visuals and the reminders that we do not choose our reality tunnels (and ditches for that matter!). Looking forward to pt 2
Now that James Taylor Foreman deemed dopamine as an ontological dumping ground, so agency can too (though I do like agency and he also wrote about agency v destiny)
Great read as always, Paul! I'm curious- would you say you align with Montessori's philosophy on work? "Montessori believed that work isn’t just something we do, it’s how we become. Montessori saw moral character as something built through deliberate, effortful work—an inner discipline that, when cultivated broadly, could raise the level of society as a whole."
If so, would be curious how you practically think about her framework more akin to work-life integration. Personally resonate with your story because after exiting our last company, my husband and I have spent the last few months being much more intentional and contemplative about what we actually want to work on. That intentionality has since led us to this really beautiful alignment across our work, marriage, friendships, intellectual pursuits that I don't believe would have been possible without "poking at the edges" of the scripts we'd been unconsciously following.
If you're curious about the Montessori framing, I wrote a piece recently about my exposure to "work" as a former Montessori kid and how this has influenced my approach as a founder:
Relationship analogy... your 2 traps/temptations sound exactly like going on a "rebound" after newfound freedom following a breakup:
1. Comfort in Conformity = either going back to the same bad relationship and/or embracing it with ANY new relationship to fill the void.
2. Trade One Identify for Another = our last significant other was a certain way, so we go for the person who represents the opposite way. Or worse, we give up on relationships altogether.
The healthy option, we know, is to endure the post-breakup weirdness ("the ditch"), learn our lessons, maybe experiment a little without attaching too quickly, and ultimately, come out the other side a bit more wiser with who we are + who we're compatible with. Then, move forward with our lives, not stuck in a permanent state of post-breakup-ed-ness.
sane and wise approach
The only one that got me was “I must consistently improve to be a good person”
I laughed out loud.
I’d never articulated that belief before. It was like the water I was swimming in.
It prompted me to write thousands of words about getting sick this past summer
Might share
yeah that one didn’t even register because my first reaction was “duh”… and then i thought about it and i did a double take haha.
the inverse “i can never improve again and still be a good person” makes me so uncomfortable. definitely something to be explored there
That’s an interesting way to frame it. I hadn’t thought about working through the opposite.
Tis the water many of us swim in
Not saying this belief is bad to have or I don’t want it
I like the idea of choosing beliefs
To choose them I must be aware of them
I’m contemplating how much i want this one
This is the way
The 15 statements would make for a fascinating group discussion just to open the up the floor for conversation around each of these and see where it goes. They all seem like versions of a belief system. With respect to positive and negative reactions, it seems that humans feel compelled to defend or attack belief systems in direct proportion to how adrift their are with respect to knowledge of themselves. When you know who you are, have a sense of what you're here to do based on self-observation and access to feeling, then you're less in need of any external beliefs to be for or against as a way of navigating your existence.
I’ve been doing a version of it live where people talk about the scripts they grew up with and then the scripts they are writing for their future. People do love talking about this!
Paul, your essays are the best! Thanks for exposing me to new thinkers and ideas
I spent my early years on the Ivy-League-to-city-job track, then spent my late 20s raging against that track. I was heavily convinced a 9-5 was a death sentence. Now I'm in my mid-30s, with two kids. I'm going back to 9-5 work, and I'm not mad about it. I needed my time on the pathless path to grow through the negative belief. It's been an interesting full circle for me.
I wanted to complement you on the illustrations you use - do you use AI to generate these? (I know you talked about hiring an illustrator for the book, but feel like I've heard you talk about your AI process.) They are so good.
yes these are the nano banana pro new model. I really like them because they are exactly what i was aiming for. I was able to do the exact style I wanted and convey the exact ideas!
Great read Paul. When I first ditched my corporate gig I felt resentful and frustration too. I thought I had a plan and it did not pan out. Well not like I thought it would anyway. Thanks for the impactful visuals and the reminders that we do not choose our reality tunnels (and ditches for that matter!). Looking forward to pt 2
thanks jason - same here! haha i was very much in the "work is broken" mindset
Now that James Taylor Foreman deemed dopamine as an ontological dumping ground, so agency can too (though I do like agency and he also wrote about agency v destiny)
lol yup
Great read as always, Paul! I'm curious- would you say you align with Montessori's philosophy on work? "Montessori believed that work isn’t just something we do, it’s how we become. Montessori saw moral character as something built through deliberate, effortful work—an inner discipline that, when cultivated broadly, could raise the level of society as a whole."
If so, would be curious how you practically think about her framework more akin to work-life integration. Personally resonate with your story because after exiting our last company, my husband and I have spent the last few months being much more intentional and contemplative about what we actually want to work on. That intentionality has since led us to this really beautiful alignment across our work, marriage, friendships, intellectual pursuits that I don't believe would have been possible without "poking at the edges" of the scripts we'd been unconsciously following.
If you're curious about the Montessori framing, I wrote a piece recently about my exposure to "work" as a former Montessori kid and how this has influenced my approach as a founder:
https://samvuong.com/p/work-is-how-we-become-human